The journey of university began and I will admit my 1st year was not the most healthy one for me. Constant alcohol abuse thanks to fully immersing myself in the university lifestyle of going out almost every night. After that I took up American Football. It was a way to vent and I loved it. However my lack in size often left me feeling like coaches didn't take me seriously and admittedly I began to play with a chip on my shoulder with incidents where my temper got the better of me whiles playing. I was to put it bluntly so bloody sick of being small.
About a year ago I began to go to gym. At first I went every now and then then when I started a full time job it grew into a "magnificent obsession as the Godfather CT Fletcher would say. Every now and then became everyday and then three times In one day. It became my stress therapy, when I was feeling down or angry surround myself with weights Having a brother that developed the same enjoyment or admiration of the gym encouraged a competitive attitude. It also helps that most of my gym partners tended to be a lot stronger than me so it helped my motivation.
What I have noticed is my new addiction has insighted a desire to obtain the perfect looking anatomy. Shallow right? I know. However that leads me to ask the question 'What is the perfect anatomy?' Arnold Schwarzenegger, Henry Cavill, in man of steel, Mike Rashid, Dwayne Johnson; all admirable forms. I often was jealous when girls I know or even dated drooled over males that boasted spartan like bodies.
I find myself spending unsurmountable amounts of time trying to find that perfect body in the weights, sweat and pain. The issue is that I find people around me don't understand the way I feel and tell me that what I'm doing isn't normal or it doesn't matter that mother nature gave me what i have and be grateful but they didn't have to endure the constant jesting at my expense of sense masculinity.
That's just how I feel
