I gave you my life. Why you want my soul.

I know women are way more powerful than men. I'm not sure of much in my life but I know that.

That is one of the many reasons I admire but  never trust women. I promise I'm no mysoginist but I struggle with adapting to another person' lifestyle.

Scumbag, criminal , Narcissist, Asshole, Joke, Clown, Idiot, Arrogant, Liar, Cold, Fake, Abusive, Pathetic. Just a few of the words that have been used to describe me. Now I'm not without fault in some scenarios, but many would look at that list  and usually run a mile.

I hate being me it's frustrating being misunderstood a lot of the time, or what if I am those THINGS, do I even deserve to EVER be LOVED. 

Know who understands how to know you

I remember university, I remember being in my first really serious relationship and  calling my father thinking I knew who I was till I had my first real argument with the opposite sex.  See I made the mistake of dating a twin who was a feminist. A feminist for fuck sake. She didn't love me, she just enjoyed commanding a relationship where she had the higher IQ. I felt less of a person than her in 80% of our relationship. 

I remember calling my father after that argument and telling him I don't know who I am anymore. He simply replied to me..... 

" If all else fails remember that you are MY son. You are not only that...... There are more people on this planet that love you as you are. No one else will think about you and your the brother the way I do. I may not always agree with you but I do love you come rain or shine."

I realise there are a lot of people who claim to know you, but value those people who know how to know you, they are priceless. Be it family OR friends. 

The SKY IS THE LIMIT.

“The Sky is the limit” - Probably the most positive thing my parents ever said to me as a kid. 

We often find ourselves limiting our worth and our abilities, especially at a young age because everyone else puts limits on you. From your schools to your families in a lot of cases. At 14 I went through self loathing and bullying for being an inner city estate kid, who was at a affluent high school and wasn’t a fit to the status quo, I even had a teacher who. told my parents I wasn’t worth the time. I got into a lot of things I shouldn’t have. I was never gonna bother with university. But my college tutor forced me to apply cos he valued me, more than I valued myself. To be honest at 18 I was ready to give up and again at 22. I remember being in bed jobless and hopeless, no idea how to get outta my own head and my Dad came to chat with me cos he sensed something was wrong. 

Call it divine intervention or whatever but he told me two things:

1. Be proud to be a Showunmi.
2. The sky is the limit.

Just to let you know I didn’t have an epiphany there and then, but I can tell you that those two  things he said to me are the only two truths I live by and remembering those two things saved my life in more ways than one.